Mother Yourself Into Self

Sending Love and Gratitude to the Divine Mother and to all earthly mothers who sacrifice and love with selfless service. It is a joyful and sometimes frenzied job, and I'm so grateful for all the beautiful inspiration and examples who embody the gift and beauty of the Great Mother to us everyday and night. To the birth mother, the mother of marriage, aunties and grand-mothers, the spiritual mothers, and sister mothers, even the nurturing father mothers. To the one and only Divine mother and the earthly creation that nourishes our being. There is such incredible beauty all around.  The gifts are infinite and abundant. 

To the many I know and mentor who have had such painful experiences when it comes to mothering, because your mothers too were hurt and wounded like you,  I send prayers and blessings for you today and everyday. May your heart, your mothers heart, and the lineage of women and men before you, be nourished from the depths of your being. May the pain and loneliness be washed away and burned in the light of forgiveness and compassion. May you find the peace that you seek from the truth and love that is always present within you. 

No matter our experience in life and the relationship we have had with our birth mother, we are each called to learn how to nurture and mother ourselves.  By understanding the play of the planetary mind from the stand point of our story, we tap into the teaching that we are not the small piece of identity attached to the hardships and highlights of our story. We begin to open up to the immensity that is vaster than the sky: expanse, spacious and impersonally a part of everything. Nourish, Learn, Expand. Mother yourself into Self ~ today and everyday.  

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The Person You Used To Be

You remember what it was like, but those days are long ago. You are not the person you used to be. The one searching and seeking. Trying to find your place in life. Desiring your people, your land, your mission, your gifts. Lost within a sea of noise and distraction. A feeling deep within saying "I'm not where I'm supposed to be, but I have not a clue where I should be".  A vast array of lessons fed by society's projections and rules and personal discomforts and misguidance, yet a deep knowing that there's so much more here that I'm not seeing. A moment in time where everything within was screaming, "THIS IS NOT ME!!!, but Who AM I?".

Synchronicities gently guiding, until one day there was no more denying. Spirit, life, lovingly slapped, beat and held you down until you could no longer ignore the calling to find Truth. Direct messages from an energy far greater than your singularity. An earthquake to wake up from the Dream of existence. Undeniable experiences away from the structures of materiality into greater expansions of  I AM everything, but nothing. Energy pulsing through the universe. A tiny drop of personality in a vast ocean of creativity.

From that moment and the many moments after that, you were destined to follow the blue line that would unveil the newness and truth of your being. The arrows clearly showing to follow Great Spirit wherever guided. "Surrender" you hear, no matter how uncomfortable it became. Doors opened one by one. Step by Step a movement into experience, initiations, miracles, magic and mystery.. A beautiful, sometimes hard and uneasy unraveling.  A dissolution layer by layer so Grace can pulse through you. An instrument of the one and only Father and Mother. A call to put aside ego, arise out of fear and assist in the awakening from the imbalance of our small piece in relation to the whole. A follower of the path that is lovingly set before to dispel the lies and disempowering structures within and around, despite the many who do not accept all that is becoming and will become, for the person you used to be, is not the one you are now. 

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As you awaken the world around remains asleep. Yet, your presence, your process into a greater expansion of being is not only your awakening, but a calling for those around you to awaken. The one's who knew you before your transformation have a hard time accepting the new you, and many fall away from your periphery of view. Because when you step into your power and authenticity, it becomes a sore spot, a reminder that perhaps they too need to make changes. Your awakening touches wounded places within them that stirs ancient held beliefs, fears, jealousy, stifled creativity and power struggles that minimize the movement into greater freedom. The thought of, "Who are you? I've known you since... You are not that". 

Whatever your experience, whatever their experience, you will find resistance that arises in relationship to your loved ones and your change. The push and pull exists to make you stronger, more compassionate, to have more tolerance.  It's a process of balance and recalibration, to allow the old to fall away and the truth of you to usher more fully into your being. 

At times you will take it personally. Your ego will be hurt. Your wounds will be triggered. You will feel alone. Each and every wounded part of you will be activated so that the heartbeat of truth can seep into every crevice within you. A call to cleanse and claim all the fragmented parts of your energy field that you can finally now love and fully embrace. A knowledge that there is no turning back. Nor would you ever want to because this incredible magic, aliveness and connectedness is so fucking delicious and beautiful. There is no possible way you could ever imagine returning to the realms of duality that once existed within you. For you are destined to live your truth, and live out that which Great Spirit desires to move through you. Knowing that which you are now, will naturally magnetize greater truth, joy and freedom, allowing more of the universe to birth through you with pure awareness. 

Standing At The Precipice

Have you ever stood at the precipice, feeling an old part of yourself, a falsivity dying in the midst of all that you love, all that you are so grateful for? Taken once again into another unfolding of self. Fully aware of the unraveling and crumble of multi-dimensional spaces in time. A simultaneous experience of the old going and the new coming. 

Unless you have been there, then it is most difficult to understand, but it is a part of our journey in awakening to our truth. It's the corner stops of fully embracing the wild rides of life which demands every bit of our presence in order let go of our control. It is an aspect of our spiritual human evolution that we all will eventually face.  An enormous lesson book of mastering the art of trust and surrender. A climb through caves of awareness and experience that reveal promises of the dissolution of mind and ego with each turn. Creating space between the idea of us and the operations of the mind. A photo-book of our illusional reflection of personal identity. A greater arrival into the heart of truthful being, with the ability to see how happiness is entrenched in unhappiness. Lessons that stretch you into greater compassion and less judgments, with a knowing that it is only our inner freedom that allows us to experience pleasure within the sharp edges of life. The messy moments that mold and carve the river that flows across the vast ocean into the shore of God-dess.  Awakening within our being that which we no longer take ownership of.  A release into wider, deeper and higher spaces of heart filled presence. 

"Let go and trust the process

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You are loved beyond measure. 

Supported by a massive unseen force that loves and surrounds you. 

There are far greater things going on here.

Far greater than you could ever imagine. 

Trust. Let go and Trust. 

Stand firmly rooted in this earthquaking moment. This too shall pass.

Focus my lover and find the frequency of Love within you.

You are beyond your greatest imagination. 

Be, Just Be Sweet Child of Mine. Feel every uncomfortable moment. Do not distance. Relax and breathe as deeply as you can. For I am molding you experience by experience, initiation by initiation, into my instrument.

Center and Soar into Me."

Our Little Intermediaries

Children are so incredibly aware and open to their connection to everything around them. Yet, as a society we have learned to discredit a child’s ability to perceive and push away their experiences in the unseen realms. Many hurry past conversations about their dreams, the invisible playmate, or the ghost in the hallway, and chalk it up as imaginary. Some children have the ability to communicate with plants and animals, see light beings, auras, and symbols in the ethers, yet they have never conveyed what they see because to them it’s normal and an every day occurrence to see beyond the veil of duality. They have no idea that you can’t see what they do, thus they assume it is an ordinary aspect of human nature. Many try to express their experience, but they do not feel heard or validated because to the listener it feels uncomfortable, made up and imaginary, so they no longer express themselves freely. 

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Peering into a child’s world with intrigue and attention through their perception is a gift for them to be fully heard and known. It creates a beautiful bond between child and adult, seeding opportunity for both to flourish with magic and mystery.  Enabling the child to become the mediator between the physical and spiritual realms awakens that which has been forgotten in our human experience and becomes the preservation of spiritual evolution that will not only carry the child throughout the sometimes trying liminal states of growth, but each of us who are touched by their ability to see. A remembrance of our child like intuition and knowing that things are not as they seem. 

I have had the pleasure to witness so many children in their full potential as mediator, but one that I'd like to share today of where I had asked my children and nephews to help create a ceremony to honor our beloved elder, my father, and their grandfather for his 70th birthday. 

The morning of my father's birthday I asked my father to find photos and special items that represented each decade of his life. Meanwhile the kids and I created a cake and an alter of plants, candles, and spaces to hold his special items of choice. The children decided that they wanted to wash everyone’s feet before they walked into the pathway of shells they had so lovingly designed that led into the sacred space. 

As we gathered the family. I could feel the tension by several family members. A ceremony of such was odd and uncomfortable. Not something done in our day and age. There was a part of them that was triggered due to their Christian belief which I’m certain they didn’t even understand it themselves, but the energy was palpable. 

The ceremony began with each person having their feet washed by the children, then they were escorted into the pathway that led to me. A feather in one hand and sage in another I said a prayer, cleansing their aura and touching their energetic chakra areas with the feather. 

“May you always love yourself as spirit loves you. May you always speak your truth first filtered through your heart. May you always be able to see, sense and feel your connection to everything around you. May you always be guided by the highest truth, knowing that Great Spirit lives and breaths within you and all around you.” 

After each person was sagebrushed, a gemstone mala I’d made for my father was held for prayers to be infused within it for our dear Papa. Then each were directed into the circle to sit with my father. 

You can imagine that it took some time for each person to be cleansed, and in those moments there were a few in the group whose tension mounted creating abrupt and loud conversation that some how broke up their discomfort. Others found it sweet and reverent, especially the children. They all exuded such joy, especially my nephew Henry who has Ausperger’s. He was so full of excitement his arms wailed and his smile beamed with delight. He stood beside me as I saged each person one by one. Henry peered into the etheric spaces that only he himself could see, repeating over and over countless times becoming more and more exuberant as each person stepped into the smoke. “The Light is Growing, The Light is Growing!” he exclaimed over and over. 

Having Henry and all my little enthusiastic family friends beside me was such a gift to us all. I quietly thanked God for having them all beside us as our little Intermediaries into the unseen realms of mystery and magic. 

Wake Up Beautiful Warrior

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We've all played the victim at some point or another.  For there are countless stories sealed deep within our makeup to fuel the fire of victimhood. The experiences we as human beings have chose to incarnate into is quite mesmerizing to say the least. Whether we personify as victim, we can all find deep within a juxtaposition of that very energy as perpetrator. 

As for the collective, there is a growing desire to see change on earth that reflects the beauty and compassion we know is possible. Gratefully we are witnessing and are part of an incredible awakening of consciousness, like no other time in history.  It's a chain reaction. When one awakens, another opens their sleeping eyes.

However, this awakening process is not instantaneous as we all hope when we hop on the bus. It is a journey and not linear as some may hope. There are steps forward and steps back in our evolution of befriending and dissolving the lower ego. Recognizing our archetypal struggles and the stories we carry within the makeup of our personal experience, as well as within the planetary mind field, is a huge step into healing our personal stories, and better yet, recognizing the theatrical plays of life, known as illusion. 

As someone who has been on the path of "Healer Heal Thyself" and also one who has helped many on their own journey, I've been witness to the importance of aligning ourselves with our greatest potential for growth in the moment. It requires us to look at the main themes of your story and the beliefs you've created around such experiences so we can trace the frequency of emotion and body based feelings into the cosmos of your body that would uproot the victim consciousness.  Through discovery and realizations we come to a point where we are forced to take off the badge of victimhood and align with our peaceful warrior within. No more excuses, no more blame, we see clearly. It's from this place we can see, sense and feel the energetic differences between the victim and the spiritual warrior. 

The victim shrinks in fear and hides in anger and grief.  The warrior stands in awareness of fear and all undercurrents of emotion and acts with purposeful, harmonious action. 

The victim allows circumstance to define him/her.   The warrior is fueled and aligned by the power and unconditional love from within despite past circumstance. 

The victim feels indefinitely trapped within suffering and underneath it all feels they deserve to suffer. The warrior stays present in the suffering, allowing it to teach and empower him to come into greater love and compassion for self and other, with a knowingness that there will be an end to the chaos at hand.

The victim feels that everyone is out to get him/her.  The warrior knows that their worst enemy is their insecurity and perceived weakness. 

The victim waits to be rescued.  The warrior is carried by trust within and the potential for growth and expansion that resides in every moment. 

The victim is caught in the loop holes of worry, fear and injustice. The warrior examines, observes and learns to dance within the shadow, projecting a sword of light into the realms of ignorance and uncertainty. 

The victim allows the transfer of perpetrator energy to evade him/her. The warrior disengages from controlling dis-empowering tactics becoming the master of fierce open hearted compassion for all of humanity. 

The victim becomes enmeshed within story.  The warrior learns from the battle and walks powerfully in neutrality into the rising sun of each new day. 

Is there a victim hiding within you?

Wake up beautiful warrior, the time of victimhood has passed. Stop the repetition and recycling of story. You are a god, creator incarnate. Awaken and create your new beginning and ending. There is an army of magic all around you, waiting for you to align with your truth. Arise Master Warrior and step into your radiance and confidence of all that you know you are. Let the Universe see your shining coat of luminosity and love. 

Befriending the Mind & Experience

Befriending the Mind is befriending our experience. It is a journey into oneness. However, in the beginning and even within the practiced journey can at times feel like an incredibly difficult task. Our mind can seem to be the most insidious creature around. It hooks us with its repetition of fear and doubt. We try to ignore it, but it lingers. What if we decided to actually befriend this compulsive being within us? What if we actually took the time to understand what it was trying to "save" us from? 

Inquiry within the realm of our perceived losses, pain, struggles and hardship is a much needed practice when it comes to healing and transcendence from the illusion. If you go deep enough, there you will find the threads of ancestral story, an archetypal struggle that is the tapestry of the planetary mind, and all of our perceived poverty.  These energies swirl all around us and exist within our own experience, showing us our humanity of attachment and aversion. Every moment of struggle whether it be in the experience of life or within the constructs of the mind is a lesson, a nudge, a push, or possibly a giant car wreck into a greater awakening if you allow it. 

In our mindful awareness, whether it be in meditation or in the doing of the day, we can clearly see the part of our mind that is in poverty. In this witness state, when you notice the stuck nature of your mind on a particular thought there are things we can do to shift and quiet this lower animalistic nature, rather than get caught in its tendrils of drudgery. 

In order to befriend the mind, we are required to stay within a witness state, noticing the flux and play of the mind.  Allowing the energetic cringes to surface while there is a surrender into its existence. Not distancing, but allowing it to simply be. Within these moments of tension and awareness, there are slow releases of the mind and body reactions. 

Inquire within, ask who is this that feels worried, fearful, abandoned, etc? 

What do you hear or notice? Who is this voice? Are you taken back to a moment? Witness. Follow your intuition. If a story comes up. Let the mind know that you appreciate its concern.  Perhaps there is a warning and it is trying to protect you and guide you into action. Or is this a voice from the past, that is hurt and fearful of it happening again? If so, send love to this part of your being. Let it know that there is no need to worry about this anymore, that it already happened. If it happens again, then so be it. All experience is impermanent. All in all you will need to drop the story, then go back to the feeling. Sit in the center of whatever body feeling arises. Do you see a color, a symbol, a vision? Go into the middle of the tension. Continue following the feeling, surrendering the body, until you find yourself calm without a disturbance in the mind. 

In that stillness and relaxation of the mind, breath love into all the cells of your body. Watching the breath fill every portion of your temple from crown to toe. Send compassion, admiration and love to your body, mind, soul, Great Spirit, your ancestors and all that is around you. Center into every moment feeding your being with the prosperity of breath, love, and gratitude. A call into the center of all divine essence and being.  A growing surrender into ecstasy and a higher vibrating soul. 

If you are dealing with unhealed trauma this may be difficult to do alone, and it is best to seek someone who can hold tender space for you to unfold and reclaim. In these states of mind tension, we are shown places within that need to be cleansed and brought into a neutral state.  The goal is to watch and surrender, not get caught into the kinks of the mind to the point it causes anxiety and more mayhem, allowing it to spin you out energetically. Know that within your healing journey the intense threads of the mind can be a teacher, pointing you into the way of renewal and compassion. 

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So I leave you with these questions that I received in meditation this morning. 

What is the depths of your perceived poverty? 

Better yet what is the center of all your prosperity? 

What is your Freest Expression?

I’d like for you to take a moment and imagine what it would FEEL like to be in your freest expression? Sit back, take a deep breath and let your mind go as you inquire into the feeling. I don’t want to give words to your expression, I’d like for you to. Better yet, write it down, then speak it. 

Now, What would it LOOK like for you to be in your freest expression? Again, sink in. Feel it and know it. Then write it. 

Lastly, what do you have to do in order to move into ACTION to move toward your freest expression?

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Does it mean letting go of expectations, judgments, fears, trusting the unknown, following your heart rather than the restrictions of society and ego? The journey into our truest expression means breaking the walls of all that you think you are. It is an unraveling, a discovery of your truth, not a sequential path. It sometimes calls for you to take steps back, inquire, then move forward. A delicate balance of action and stillness. With each stride you find yourself freer from the mind of personal identity and in balance with what spirit wants to happen through you. No longer a push pull scenario with constricted movement due to outdated constructs, but an ease and freedom of trust and creativity. A state of being that can no longer be denied and hidden. A beckoning for you to bring your unique wild expression. The world needs your freedom just as much as you do. 

When will you begin to travel into its echoing call? 

It’s always been there, just waiting for you to seek and find. 

Unite With The Nature of Your Inner Child

Happy New Year! I am so excited for all that is ahead in 2018. I hope you are too!

I’m writing you from a very special place called Sacred Mountain Sanctuary in NC, and I look forward to sharing with you the magic of this place in the coming year.  Presently, my family and I are all bundled up in a little cabin with space heaters trying to stay warm from freezing temperatures. Snow is falling and ice is hanging from the branches and hugging the ground. Meanwhile the clock just struck midnight and the full moon behind the clouds is on its way to being a super moon! However, by the time this reaches you, we will have said goodbye to the holiday and already journeying into the normalcy of life. 

My husband, children and I started a New Years tradition several years ago taken from the Yule Tide tradition. We wrap colorful string around wood as we say a prayer of gratitude for the past year and all the newness we would like to invite in for our personal lives, as well as others and the world. Then we burn the rainbow colored logs in a fire. This year the weather turned suddenly, and the mountain had other ideas for us. Being in the moment, we did what was available to us and took time to write our goals on paper. We celebrated our strides in achievements. Honored our difficulties that have pushed and created more proficiency in our lives. Then at midnight we went outside to burn our wishes into ashes, using the element of fire as the activator of our thoughts, sending the ashes into the air and earth.

Hours before our little ceremony, I asked my nine year old daughter,  "In what ways have you grown this past year?”.

She thoughtfully took a moment then said, “I’ve grown in so many ways momma. As a kid, It's what I do. I’ve grown taller. I’m a better reader. I can use the stove and cook for myself now. I learned how to crochet. I can play the piano with two hands and sing while playing. I even played in my first piano recital this year. Oh, and I made soap for gifts this Christmas, and chapstick for myself!" 

Those are all big accomplishments and marks of growth I told her, and you've worked so hard. Then my five year old chimed in without a thought, “Momma, I danced, played outside a lot, colored, began Kindergarten, grew tall, lost a tooth, made a sword of light. And I pick out all my clothes by myself now”. 

So simple, yet incredibly beautiful, right? Totally free to be herself. 

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What state of being is your child self in? 

Sit still and sink in. Imagine your child self standing in front of you? 

What does s/he look like? Happy/Sad, Excited/Scared, etc? 

What is it that your child self needs from you to come into a state of balance in this very moment?  

In all Spiritual paths there is a deep thread of focus and energy placed upon the re-arrival into our childlike nature. An echoed whisper to continually grow, learn, create and expand out of our impressionable judgments of the world around us. To fall into a wonderment of nature and being. Not jealous of others, or worried what others may think, but to compassionately and forgivingly love ourself and others.  To become enraptured by the moment, guided by intuition. Giving into fear and worry is not an option, because TRUST is the overarching feeling.

We can compare it to the balance act of walking across a fallen tree trunk. Each and every step you take, you find that you glide with a growing assurance, floating above the rocky creek below. No longer hindered by the extraneous, meanwhile consecutive movements become more and more effortless. Then suddenly you find yourself without thought, walking faster, bouncing, maybe even dancing. This flow of ease is what I call, the sweet nectar moments in life. 


Sure we will still have our growth pains. As we all know, our hurdles of expansion can bring very difficult circumstances. However when we make ourselves fully present in the discomfort, we unravel into the beautiful lessons and transformative healing at hand. Creating more availability to steep into the sweet nectar of wild abandonment, blooming into newness and the amplified states that continually await us. 

Throughout the year,  I hope you will join me into the task of further uniting with your childlike nature. Here's a few tips for starting out. 

- Invite in the magic and mystery of nature and spirit to teach you, speak to you, move within you and all around you. 
- Unplug & Be Still, each and every morning and night for at least 5 minutes a day. Eventually, you will find yourself making room for more and more time in silence. 
- Connect with Nature. Listen, Touch, and Walk in Awareness. 
- Laugh, Sing, Dance, Play, Draw, Paint, Write- CREATE
- When a creative idea comes to you, step forth into action. IF you don't have time, write it down and come back to it as soon as time permits.
- Dare to stretch beyond your comfort zone and learn something new. 

If you feel stuck and are having a difficult time connecting to your child nature, reminisce of what it was you enjoyed doing as a child. What did you dream of doing and being? Connect with that feeling and what it is that would bring you the same sense of joy now. Secondly, sit still and go within. Imagine your self as a child. What does s/he look like? Are you happy or sad? If unhappy, console your child self. What is it s/he needs from you now? Listen, Learn and Follow your intuition, and act upon the information you receive.

Need help to sink in? I'm always here to help you release and reclaim. 

I AM HERE

I meditate, pray, feel the earth, wind, sun and rain. I talk and listen to spirit and peer into the depths of all this life has to teach. I hear, feel, touch and dance with the sound, visions, symbols and dreams, yet this grasp for perfection is illusive.  In the brevity of humanness, there is a call toward the path of sifting away the deception of "me" that invites that which has always and ever will be- perfection in all its purity. Within the tapestry of dark and light we are balance. Energetic spiritual beings in the ring of creation and destruction. A beautiful rowdy human ride that speaks to our heart and heartache. A school house of desire and forgetful uncertainties. A circle of repetitious change and free will. An echo to awaken from the slumber. To stop walking with the dead. And so it is... 

I AM HERE to claim every cell of this flawless spirit living in a temple shell of elemental decay.

I AM HERE to LET GO of all false pretense of me, he, she, it. 

I AM HERE to RESURRECT the neglected fearful disembodied aspects.

I AM HERE to FORGIVE the persona of US in all its magnificence and imperfection. 

I AM HERE to BRIDGE the Lowest of ego and Highest of self into one Symphonic Sound. 

I AM HERE to CULTIVATE awareness, neutrality, joy, and peace. 

I AM HERE to PERMEATE OUR TRUTH. 

I AM HERE... to LOVE,  Breathing Consciousness into Life. 

The Energy of the Solar Eclipse

Tomorrow America will witness a total eclipse of the sun, where the moon and sun will be in alignment. These planetary beings will gaze directly into one another. The sun will luminously shine onto the moon, while the moon blocks the light of the sun here on earth. The "path of totality" begins in the Pacific Ocean close to where the ancient areas of mythic Lumeria are said to have once been, and end in the Atlantic Ocean where the mythic Atlantis city is suspected to have been. Moving over the continent from Oregon to South Carolina, masses will be traveling to chase a view of this dance between the sun and the moon, which has been called "the largest mass migration in history". 

Solar eclipses happen every year, but are only witnessed in specific parts of the world each year, and always occur in unison with a new moon. A repeating solar eclipse in one particular area is said to only happen once every 400 years. Historically a total eclipse has been looked at as an unpromising event, an omen per say, because of the darkness pervading over the light. A very mirror of present American theatrics, history and politics that is a subconscious collective exacerbation and hopeful purge of the past. Our direction can be powerfully influenced by the collective focus of our deepest fears, or better yet our sincerest hopes and desires. 

Mystics see that this Solar Eclipse/New Moon energy is a very powerful time to look inward rather than outward, not only during the actual time of eclipse but weeks before. It is a natural event that is asking that we use the energies of the sun and moon as a reset button. A time to consciously set clear intentions for y/our future. 

In astrology, the sun represents our focus, radiance and innermost desires. It is the planet of self expression and purpose, representing our external self that is motivated by the internal soul self. Not run by ego as talked about in my past musing, but a tangible symbol of our light and love; our gifts and potent medicine that we behold to gift to our community. 

The new moon energetically symbolizes the time to put goals into practice, and step into what it is we want to create. However, the important first step is knowing what your soul desires most. Then focus on that and in ripeness it will manifest with right action. 

Energetically, prior to a solar eclipse the sun is in full force, and as the moon approaches its lover, lying her body over the light, there is an intense power outage that mystics say has a very powerful effect on our energetic bodies. As the moon recedes from the sun, allowing the light to spread its wings, we experience a heightened renaissance, a power surge of amplified light and growth. 

So as we embark into the Solar eclipse, no matter where you are, acknowledge the eclipsed solar energy for a few moments, recalling upon the absence of the sun within you that has fed on old patterns and beliefs in recent or perhaps your entire life. Exhale this energy, and let it go. As the energy of the darkness recedes and the light returns, inhale deeply and feel the light nourishing a new vibrant and radiant you. Then envision and feel an awakened newness spreading over all of America and Earth. Allow the energy of the Solar Eclipse to recalibrate y/our energetic system- creating a new frequency, a new consciousness.  

Are You Living in Ego or Heart?

As we begin to bring awareness to our thoughts we can see, feel and know when we are in the moment of the lower ego or heart. Recognizing the ego's theatrics helps us to stop the pattern and drop into the spaciousness of the heart, and live from our higher ego that helps us to achieve our dreams and create from the heart in service. Through introspection and contemplation we access a well of knowledge, cultivating an embodied sense of self- a state that holds the ego accountable to the heart. Harnessing the power of the ego comes from understanding the associations of the negative mind, why and where they come from, which equates to a wonderful release and unattached knowing that it is not the real you. 

In order to begin our steps in self-awareness, we need to become familiar with our own sense of self ego and how you view yourself. Your ego is the "I" image you have about yourself and what face you put on for the world. The titles you cling to and the roles you take on to support the way you want to be seen. Do you present yourself as the athlete, business entrepreneur, peace maker, shiny and happy, etc? The list is infinite. But what the ego loves to do, is to make us feel different from others. It enjoys comparing and contrasting. 

Without self- awareness and compassion for self and other's, a person's ego can easily lose touch with reality if there is a lack of feeling, or numbness per say in the body. It is then the ego steps up and takes control.You know that you are caught by the ego when you take things personally, becoming judgmental and jealous. You become rigid, fearful and stuck in a circling of thoughts and consumed by your emotions. Easily hurt by others actions and external situations, your inner dialogue zooms in on anxieties and self-criticisms that demise your self worth. Your ego is feed by the need of validation from others, thus you are easily bruised when things don't go your way., or people easily offend you. The ego has expectation, but we quickly learn that this only brings disappointment. Thus when you are living in the ego you are easily hurt and swayed from your peace, rather than experiencing life's constant change, there is a timidness and anxiety. The ego loves attention and if given enough, becomes addicted to it. When it becomes out of control it will stop at nothing to get its way- creating conditions that stifle the heart and its feeling capacity. When turned inward the lower ego looks like the self- critic, tyrant or saboteur.

When we drop into the heart, we are feeling and connected to everything around us. We are awakened, living in our soul self. We feel from our innate spirit perspective, no longer hindered by the small human mind, but connected to source. It is an impersonal state of being that melts the personality of me, he and she. It is who you are without labels, roles, expectations and social masks. A state that is always there even when you are living in the moment of ego. The part of you that never changes and is forever the divine energy of the Universe that flows through all things. 

Living from your soul self, your true self, your intuition is potent and in tune with everything around you. Your inner voice guides you. Your love and acceptance of self and others flows without protective mechanisms. Your goals and desires are clearly supported not by your sense of self-worth, but by a deep knowing and insight of the gifts you have to offer the world. You accept people as they are and are able to forgive easily, with an understanding of accountability and trust in the arrival of discomforts, now viewed as teaching and growth moments that expand and push us into greater power and love. Your creativity bubbles up from within you, and their is a deep motivating force that flows. You find yourself being lost in the moment of now, feeling an indescribable connection to everything around you. As if nature is speaking to you in all that shows up, letting you know you are on the right path, A dance that feels effortless as if your being pushed and often carried by something unseen. You feel free, fearless and empowered in following your dharma, knowing your unique purpose and gifts were given to you for a reason. To be acted upon, not wasted in a moment of frivolity. Knowing that we each are unique expressions of Source.  

Our heart and soul are ever present and eternal, but we are human and although there is awareness of our heart's song, we can slip back into the moment of the ego. But the beauty is that when we are in the moment of mindful awareness, we recognize our grand theatrics with clarity. We see how our words and thoughts derail us: and our trapped roles of identity bind and define. There is a realization that our repetitive fears, worry, superficial desires, ignorance's, judgments, or wrong actions come back to school us, until we fully sink into a greater expansive heart centered ease. A newer but deeper layer of our story, the ego we thought we released exacerbates suddenly, rubbing us wrong. With guided awareness we dismantle with love. and compassion. Guiding the subtle haunting deformities of the ego into truth and stillness of mind. Living from the heart is a journey, a slow dissolution of our human lower animal like qualities that levitates us into our spirit self in human flesh. 

It is our hearts' only desire to love deeper and expand wider into our awareness and authenticity, truth and luminous being. All which can never be defined or put into a box. For we are nothing and everything at the same time. Each an extension and unique expression of source in dense human material form that can spread wings and fly once we shed the heavy coils of the ego. 

My Tantric Lover

Love, Sex and Rock and Roll, or is it Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll? Either way you choose to remember, we are all aware of the feel of it, whether we experienced it or not. And let's be honest, sometimes marriage/partnership can feel just like that, fast and furious. Work, children, exercise, bills, grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, commitments, taking care of yourself and everyone else-  the drum beat rolls- ie. LIFE takes over. 

Now back track to the romance, beautiful experiences of raw passion and quivering moments of meeting your lover and the build up that followed. Bathe in that for a moment, those memories...

Delicious, right? We all secretly yearn for those moments again knowing that they will never return in that specific light again, but with hope there can be a sustaining essence of growth, discovery, and yes ecstasy. 

If you are lucky, both you and your lover each have your passions that feed your creativity and purpose. Allowing the other to flow without restriction. Both evolving and growing. Which means that in order to really connect deeper and wider there has to be time to reorient and relearn each other's landscape. Neither exactly the same a decade ago, nor three weeks ago. Yet, in the midst of more life together, there remains a core of sameness that we seek, a dance with the new and old, striving to find equilibrium and objectivity.  

Thus, if we are seeking our balance individually, then shouldn't we naturally come into more balance in partnership? There has to be a barometer to feel into the counter currents with our lover. A moment of silence and togetherness that is set in intention to connect deeper. A time in space that allows for the Ah-Ha moments: 

"I remember who you are! I remember those eyes, that soul, that breath, that kiss without touch or "I Love you" without words. I see you, I know you, and I understand how much you give, I understand how much I take, and I want to be better. Or "Wow, this feels good and we are getting better!". Or, "I really screwed things up and took the wrong path, I'm sorry." 

An allowance to truly be together in a new way, without the hurry, bustle, and high of life. Without the noise, distraction and dazzle. The silence to connect in simple breath and gaze. Nesting into the moment, allowing the energies within the lovers to shed, sync and recalibrate together in the rawness of being human- spiritually balancing within self and in unison.

We are together for all, we are souls...

I continue to be amazed by this song that my 6year old daughter, Anna, sung while we were on Sacred Mountain Sanctuary in the Summer of 2015. She was clearly channeling spirit, as children are so inclined and capable of doing because of their capacious spirit, ease and freedom in the moment. Not judging, thinking, worrying. Just being. 

However, before you read her song, the song that was ascending and descending through her by spirit, I'd like to tell you about the history of the land at Sacred Mountain.

For years in my meditations, I saw visions of a pink energetic city that sat in what felt like the Pisgah Mountains of NC near Asheville. As a guide and mentor I spent many days exploring this beautiful and magical land during college. It was and still remains to be one of my favorite wilderness areas in America. A land that holds the ancient memories of the Druids and Native American Cherokee. My time there continues to stir mystery and magic. 

In my meditations, as I became more still and able to receive without any form of expectation or inquiry, this pink energetic city was an intuitional calling to search for land somewhere near Asheville. I flew in days earlier than my husband to look at schools, then my husband arrived to look with me for land. We had rented a small eco-cabin, having no idea about the land around it other than what we saw on Airbnb, we ventured around in search of a land that resonated deeply. The first night we were there at the cabin, we sat under the stars and an amazing and otherworldly sight hovered over us. The stars were not individual points of light, they were streaks of light that painted the entire sky. 

The next morning we began to search around the green lush land. We saw that some sort of a school existed there. Little yombs, miniature mongolian yurts, with wood stoves and beautiful drawings on the chalk boards just like the ones at my daughters' Waldorf School in CO. We met a man who was the caretaker who told us that this was the Learning Village, Sacred Mountain Sanctuary's Waldorf School. He also told us of the community of people who lived on the other side of the mountain.

That day we met with the Vision Keeper of the sustainable village. She told us of the vision, all the successes and trials of undertaking such a big and wondrous creation. Our hearts swelled with excitement. Before we knew it we were traveling back to CO to sell our house to purchase land that stood on a knoll overlooking the sea of mountains that was for sale in the community. Our house in Denver sold in two days, however we knew there would be a period of waiting before we could transition.  So our friends who had just bought a house on an acre of land in Wheat Ridge, allowed us to fix up a little carriage house on their farm property that we could live on for the coming year. 

In limbo we traveled bi-yearly to Sacred Mountain, while unexpectedly my husband's dream career suddenly flourished as a public artist, engineer and fabricator. Through the years we have grown closer to the community and we cherish the beautiful moments we have there.

Last year I told the founder of my visions that I received years before we discovered SMS, of the pink energetic city and where I felt it was located in the mountains. She said that she knows this energetic city well and the discovery and knowledge of it has come to many in the community.

I then told her of my soul memories of once living there as an elder of a Cherokee Tribe that was forced from the land for some reason or another. Unfazed, she already knew this story too, for she had her own remembrance of this time, just like so many in the community, and the overall narrative of events was verified by County Historical Records. 

Her memory was of being an orphan, abandoned by her birth tribe because she had fallen in love with a boy in her community. Years ago, I too had come across a similar tale found within, that had happened in the web of my familial lineage, and was verified as a common bi-law in Cherokee writings.  In her story she came to the land of Sacred Mountain and was taken in by the tribe living there, however they were soon forced to leave by explorers who believed that there was gold in the mountain. Her remembrance was that although the entire tribe left, she refused to leave, hiding and living in a cave, with a man and woman who took over the land. Historical records state that the mining never occured and that one of the miners and his wife continued to live on the land. 

Although our life has taken a bit of a turn, and it seems as if our destiny is to not raise our children on SMS, we flow with life, and trust that there is beautiful and soulful purpose in our rediscovery and connection with our new, but old family at Sacred Mountain. Our time there every summer and winter is always beautiful and full of surprise and inspiration, just as the day Anna sang, "We are together for all, we are souls...".

I hope this speaks to your heart as much as it has mine, with a reminder that the magic never ceases to exist. 

"We are together for all, we are souls.
We are one together, for all once known.
We are the people,The people of souls.
There is nothing around you that is not gold.
Oh woo woo, a feeling in your soul.
Take your life in your hand and put it together, of your soul!

We are the people of your soul,
We are the people making peace in the world. 
There is nothing better, making us women and men.
We are the people, the people of the world.
Taking care and letting go until we know.
We are the people, the people of love.
We are the people in your soul and from above. 
We are the people, the people of love.
There is nothing better than the plants that grow.
Clouds up above and the wind in your air. 
We are the people, of the world above.
We are the people, soul and mind.
For all we are good, but nothing to try.
We are the people, of soul and mind.
We are the people, of the world that we find. 
We are the people that take care of the world.
We are the people, blowin' down and up.
Oh, We are the people of the whole entire world,
And We share our love for something whole. 

We are the people of love, the people of love
Nothing is better, to our souls up above."

- Anna Gracyn Geurts, Age 6
 

Jesus of the East

As I began to learn more of Buddha's teachings, Patanjali Yoga Sutras and the Upanishads (the last writings of the Veda's) it became evident that Jesus was not only a man who helped the poor, a renunciate of worldly life, a prophet, a wise man, a Jew, or the Son of God, but a Buddha, a Jain and Shaman. He was a man who knew and understood all paths. He stood in the source of all being. His words were not for a few but for all beings who could hear, "The Kingdom of Heaven is within you", within each of us. "Don't stop seeking until you find it". Meaning that the peace he knew, just as Buddha found,  is not of the later, but is accessible to us in the now. Urging not for us to die at the completion of our life into the subtle aspects of heaven, but to awaken to the dimension of present moment experience that is at the core of our existence. It is who we are. Dying everyday to the stories of the past, unraveling the matrix of dense energies that keep us bound. Creating a balance of our senses and mind so that we are not taken away by emotion, the suffering, the beauty- the story of our life. Rather witnessing each moment with awareness, manifesting our original childlike purity with patience. The final destination being an arrival into of complete non-attachment of all fear and worry. An arrival into our innate nothingness and neutrality. Becoming empty as Buddha said, or "Hallow as a bone" like many shamans have said, so that the magic of spirit can fill every part of our being- an open vessel, a witness of the mystery. A difficult, challenging but incredibly beautiful and promising journey we have all undertaken whether we are aware of it or not. 

Issa (Jesus), told them that God cared not for temples erected by human hands, but that human hearts were the true temples of God. "Enter into your temple, into your heart, illuminate it with good thoughts, with patience
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The Purge of Atrocity

All the suffering in the world that makes us cringe is a mirror of the past that was never healed in the hearts of so many, another opportunity to make a better choice. Ripples building into tidal waves. All layers of anger, fear, ignorance and an inability to forgive. Magnetizing heavy moments stuck in time that have been held tightly, hidden, ignored and festering within the consciousness of many, projecting out into the collective experience. 

The most valuable offering we can do for ourselves, others and the future is to fall back into remembrance, turning into the temple of your own heart, healing not only an individual past, but a collective experience. As my dear teacher and friend from Greenland, Shaman Angaangaq says, we begin to “melt the ice in the heart of man”, creating a continuum of change within that effects those around you, as well as the stories of the past and future. 

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Snowballs of Grief and a Siberian Shaman

Grief is a sneaky, precarious entity if it's not expressed. It haunts every being at some point in time and if you choose to ignore it, you can guarantee it will be back to greet you with gnarly talons. Talons that dig into your body until you pluck out each of its beautiful lessons tenderly with awareness and respect. Unfortunately, our culture has forgotten how to grieve and has learned to suppress this powerful and languid emotion. In contrast, our indigenous elders see that when great loss occurs, we need to be held in sacred circle by community. Our tears, wails and cries must be witnessed until we can fully release the pain of loss. Allowing one to come into peace, gratitude and wholeness.

Avoiding our grief is a downward spiral, and as we avoid it into distraction or animosity, it percolates. Creating potential to manifest as physical, mental and emotional dis-ease. As Martin Prechtel wrote in his book The Smell of Rain on Dust: Grief and Praise, "Grief needs time, and it cannot be transcended or meditated into nonexistence. When unattended it can easily hide for years, even generations, in the skeletal of the family collective psyche: eventually manifesting even among those in the future who did not consciously experience the loss." 

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Riding the waves of life

The path is full of high summits and low valleys. Let's set intentions, breath, meditate, pray, say mantras, sing, dance and gather in circle, and be in constant gratitude and praise. Our practices shift us, increase our vibration and bring about more peace and clarity, but if we have not looked at all the parts of ourselves, you can guarantee we will be shown. The road in life will teach us, and that critical doubting part of the mind will arise in life situations to stir us into dealing with another layer of an aspect we've not yet dealt with.  Recognizing our aspects of mental chatter and affliction is the divine working in us to help us let go and dissolve into greater peace. Our call is to not to resist but to release the tension around our thoughts, so that they no longer control us. What are it's origins, why do I cling to this? P

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Savor the Compliment

How often do we become skirmish and uncomfortable from a compliment? I don't know about you, but I have at times felt as if a shield of protection arises when someone offers me a compliment, as if there is a part of me that feels it doesn't deserve. Thus rather than be in the moment and take in the beauty of recognition, there is a moment of discomfort where I feel I need to also give back that beauty. So I say Thank you, and repay a compliment back which has always felt inauthentic and prompted, although I may truly feel that person is worthy of whatever honest feedback I give. 

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