I meditate, pray, feel the earth, wind, sun and rain. I talk and listen to spirit and peer into the depths of all this life has to teach. I hear, feel, touch and dance with the sound, visions, symbols and dreams, but this grasp for perfection and for all that is around is illusive, for in this moment-we are human. Everyone and everything in this world speaks to my heart and heartache. This path of sifting away the deception of "me", invites in all that I've always and ever will be. This beautiful, mystical, and sometimes bumpy wild ride called Earth is my school house, and so I claim every inch of this body as my temple. 

I AM HERE to LET GO of all false pretense of me, he, she, it.  

I AM HERE to RESURRECT the neglected fearful disembodied aspects and fully embrace this humanness in all its brevity and impermanence. 

I AM HERE to CULTIVATE neutrality, joy, and peace. Giving breath into every inch of awareness.

I AM HERE to PERMEATE TRUTH into this being, a soul living in an energetic earthen shell amongst all the mountains and valleys. 

I AM HERE... to FORGIVE the persona of US in all its magnificence and imperfection. 

I AM HERE... to LOVE. 

The Energy of the Solar Eclipse

Tomorrow America will witness a total eclipse of the sun, where the moon and sun will be in alignment. These planetary beings will gaze directly into one another. The sun will luminously shine onto the moon, while the moon blocks the light of the sun here on earth. The "path of totality" begins in the Pacific Ocean close to where the ancient areas of mythic Lumeria are said to have once been, and end in the Atlantic Ocean where the mythic Atlantis city is suspected to have been. Moving over the continent from Oregon to South Carolina, masses will be traveling to chase a view of this dance between the sun and the moon, which has been called "the largest mass migration in history". 

Solar eclipses happen every year, but are only witnessed in specific parts of the world each year, and always occur in unison with a new moon. A repeating solar eclipse in one particular area is said to only happen once every 400 years. Historically a total eclipse has been looked at as an unpromising event, an omen per say, because of the darkness pervading over the light. A very mirror of present American theatrics, history and politics that is a subconscious collective exacerbation and hopeful purge of the past. Our direction can be powerfully influenced by the collective focus of our deepest fears, or better yet our sincerest hopes and desires. 

Mystics see that this Solar Eclipse/New Moon energy is a very powerful time to look inward rather than outward, not only during the actual time of eclipse but weeks before. It is a natural event that is asking that we use the energies of the sun and moon as a reset button. A time to consciously set clear intentions for y/our future. 

In astrology, the sun represents our focus, radiance and innermost desires. It is the planet of self expression and purpose, representing our external self that is motivated by the internal soul self. Not run by ego as talked about in my past musing, but a tangible symbol of our light and love; our gifts and potent medicine that we behold to gift to our community. 

The new moon energetically symbolizes the time to put goals into practice, and step into what it is we want to create. However, the important first step is knowing what your soul desires most. Then focus on that and in ripeness it will manifest with right action. 

Energetically, prior to a solar eclipse the sun is in full force, and as the moon approaches its lover, lying her body over the light, there is an intense power outage that mystics say has a very powerful effect on our energetic bodies. As the moon recedes from the sun, allowing the light to spread its wings, we experience a heightened renaissance, a power surge of amplified light and growth. 

So as we embark into the Solar eclipse, no matter where you are, acknowledge the eclipsed solar energy for a few moments, recalling upon the absence of the sun within you that has fed on old patterns and beliefs in recent or perhaps your entire life. Exhale this energy, and let it go. As the energy of the darkness recedes and the light returns, inhale deeply and feel the light nourishing a new vibrant and radiant you. Then envision and feel an awakened newness spreading over all of America and Earth. Allow the energy of the Solar Eclipse to recalibrate y/our energetic system- creating a new frequency, a new consciousness.  



Are You Living in Ego or Heart?

As we begin to bring awareness to our thoughts we can see, feel and know when we are in the moment of the lower ego or heart. Recognizing the ego's theatrics helps us to stop the pattern and drop into the spaciousness of the heart, and live from our higher ego that helps us to achieve our dreams and create from the heart in service. Through introspection and contemplation we access a well of knowledge, cultivating an embodied sense of self- a state that holds the ego accountable to the heart. Harnessing the power of the ego comes from understanding the associations of the negative mind, why and where they come from, which equates to a wonderful release and unattached knowing that it is not the real you. 

In order to begin our steps in self-awareness, we need to become familiar with our own sense of self ego and how you view yourself. Your ego is the "I" image you have about yourself and what face you put on for the world. The titles you cling to and the roles you take on to support the way you want to be seen. Do you present yourself as the athlete, business entrepreneur, peace maker, shiny and happy, etc? The list is infinite. But what the ego loves to do, is to make us feel different from others. It enjoys comparing and contrasting. 

Without self- awareness and compassion for self and other's, a person's ego can easily lose touch with reality if there is a lack of feeling, or numbness per say in the body. It is then the ego steps up and takes control.You know that you are caught by the ego when you take things personally, becoming judgmental and jealous. You become rigid, fearful and stuck in a circling of thoughts and consumed by your emotions. Easily hurt by others actions and external situations, your inner dialogue zooms in on anxieties and self-criticisms that demise your self worth. Your ego is feed by the need of validation from others, thus you are easily bruised when things don't go your way., or people easily offend you. The ego has expectation, but we quickly learn that this only brings disappointment. Thus when you are living in the ego you are easily hurt and swayed from your peace, rather than experiencing life's constant change, there is a timidness and anxiety. The ego loves attention and if given enough, becomes addicted to it. When it becomes out of control it will stop at nothing to get its way- creating conditions that stifle the heart and its feeling capacity. When turned inward the lower ego looks like the self- critic, tyrant or saboteur.

When we drop into the heart, we are feeling and connected to everything around us. We are awakened, living in our soul self. We feel from our innate spirit perspective, no longer hindered by the small human mind, but connected to source. It is an impersonal state of being that melts the personality of me, he and she. It is who you are without labels, roles, expectations and social masks. A state that is always there even when you are living in the moment of ego. The part of you that never changes and is forever the divine energy of the Universe that flows through all things. 

Living from your soul self, your true self, your intuition is potent and in tune with everything around you. Your inner voice guides you. Your love and acceptance of self and others flows without protective mechanisms. Your goals and desires are clearly supported not by your sense of self-worth, but by a deep knowing and insight of the gifts you have to offer the world. You accept people as they are and are able to forgive easily, with an understanding of accountability and trust in the arrival of discomforts, now viewed as teaching and growth moments that expand and push us into greater power and love. Your creativity bubbles up from within you, and their is a deep motivating force that flows. You find yourself being lost in the moment of now, feeling an indescribable connection to everything around you. As if nature is speaking to you in all that shows up, letting you know you are on the right path, A dance that feels effortless as if your being pushed and often carried by something unseen. You feel free, fearless and empowered in following your dharma, knowing your unique purpose and gifts were given to you for a reason. To be acted upon, not wasted in a moment of frivolity. Knowing that we each are unique expressions of Source.  

Our heart and soul are ever present and eternal, but we are human and although there is awareness of our heart's song, we can slip back into the moment of the ego. But the beauty is that when we are in the moment of mindful awareness, we recognize our grand theatrics with clarity. We see how our words and thoughts derail us: and our trapped roles of identity bind and define. There is a realization that our repetitive fears, worry, superficial desires, ignorance's, judgments, or wrong actions come back to school us, until we fully sink into a greater expansive heart centered ease. A newer but deeper layer of our story, the ego we thought we released exacerbates suddenly, rubbing us wrong. With guided awareness we dismantle with love. and compassion. Guiding the subtle haunting deformities of the ego into truth and stillness of mind. Living from the heart is a journey, a slow dissolution of our human lower animal like qualities that levitates us into our spirit self in human flesh. 

It is our hearts' only desire to love deeper and expand wider into our awareness and authenticity, truth and luminous being. All which can never be defined or put into a box. For we are nothing and everything at the same time. Each an extension and unique expression of source in dense human material form that can spread wings and fly once we shed the heavy coils of the ego. 

If you are ready to journey into the heart stay tuned for my next musing. 




My Tantric Lover

Love, Sex and Rock and Roll, or is it Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll? Either way you choose to remember, we are all aware of the feel of it, whether we experienced it or not. And let's be honest, sometimes marriage/partnership can feel just like that, fast and furious. Work, children, exercise, bills, grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, commitments, taking care of yourself and everyone else-  the drum beat rolls- ie. LIFE takes over. 

Now back track to the romance, beautiful experiences of raw passion and quivering moments of meeting your lover and the build up that followed. Bathe in that for a moment, those memories...

Delicious, right? We all secretly yearn for those moments again knowing that they will never return in that specific light again, but with hope there can be a sustaining essence of growth, discovery, and yes ecstasy. 

If you are lucky, both you and your lover each have your passions that feed your creativity and purpose. Allowing the other to flow without restriction. Both evolving and growing. Which means that in order to really connect deeper and wider there has to be time to reorient and relearn each other's landscape. Neither exactly the same a decade ago, nor three weeks ago. Yet, in the midst of more life together, there remains a core of sameness that we seek, a dance with the new and old, striving to find equilibrium and objectivity.  

Thus, if we are seeking our balance individually, then shouldn't we naturally come into more balance in partnership? There has to be a barometer to feel into the counter currents with our lover. A moment of silence and togetherness that is set in intention to connect deeper. A time in space that allows for the Ah-Ha moments: 

"I remember who you are! I remember those eyes, that soul, that breath, that kiss without touch or "I Love you" without words. I see you, I know you, and I understand how much you give, I understand how much I take, and I want to be better. Or "Wow, this feels good and we are getting better!". Or, "I really screwed things up and took the wrong path, I'm sorry." 

An allowance to truly be together in a new way, without the hurry, bustle, and high of life. Without the noise, distraction and dazzle. The silence to connect in simple breath and gaze. Nesting into the moment, allowing the energies within the lovers to shed, sync and recalibrate together in the rawness of being human- spiritually balancing within self and in unison.

We are together for all, we are souls...

I continue to be amazed by this song that my 6year old daughter, Anna, sung while we were on Sacred Mountain Sanctuary in the Summer of 2015. She was clearly channeling spirit, as children are so inclined and capable of doing because of their capacious spirit, ease and freedom in the moment. Not judging, thinking, worrying. Just being. 

However, before you read her song, the song that was ascending and descending through her by spirit, I'd like to tell you about the history of the land at Sacred Mountain.

For years in my meditations, I saw visions of a pink energetic city that sat in what felt like the Pisgah Mountains of NC near Asheville. As a guide and mentor I spent many days exploring this beautiful and magical land during college. It was and still remains to be one of my favorite wilderness areas in America. A land that holds the ancient memories of the Druids and Native American Cherokee. My time there continues to stir mystery and magic. 

In my meditations, as I became more still and able to receive without any form of expectation or inquiry, this pink energetic city was an intuitional calling to search for land somewhere near Asheville. I flew in days earlier than my husband to look at schools, then my husband arrived to look with me for land. We had rented a small eco-cabin, having no idea about the land around it other than what we saw on Airbnb, we ventured around in search of a land that resonated deeply. The first night we were there at the cabin, we sat under the stars and an amazing and otherworldly sight hovered over us. The stars were not individual points of light, they were streaks of light that painted the entire sky. 

The next morning we began to search around the green lush land. We saw that some sort of a school existed there. Little yombs, miniature mongolian yurts, with wood stoves and beautiful drawings on the chalk boards just like the ones at my daughters' Waldorf School in CO. We met a man who was the caretaker who told us that this was the Learning Village, Sacred Mountain Sanctuary's Waldorf School. He also told us of the community of people who lived on the other side of the mountain.

That day we met with the Vision Keeper of the sustainable village. She told us of the vision, all the successes and trials of undertaking such a big and wondrous creation. Our hearts swelled with excitement. Before we knew it we were traveling back to CO to sell our house to purchase land that stood on a knoll overlooking the sea of mountains that was for sale in the community. Our house in Denver sold in two days, however we knew there would be a period of waiting before we could transition.  So our friends who had just bought a house on an acre of land in Wheat Ridge, allowed us to fix up a little carriage house on their farm property that we could live on for the coming year. 

In limbo we traveled bi-yearly to Sacred Mountain, while unexpectedly my husband's dream career suddenly flourished as a public artist, engineer and fabricator. Through the years we have grown closer to the community and we cherish the beautiful moments we have there.

Last year I told the founder of my visions that I received years before we discovered SMS, of the pink energetic city and where I felt it was located in the mountains. She said that she knows this energetic city well and the discovery and knowledge of it has come to many in the community.

I then told her of my soul memories of once living there as an elder of a Cherokee Tribe that was forced from the land for some reason or another. Unfazed, she already knew this story too, for she had her own remembrance of this time, just like so many in the community, and the overall narrative of events was verified by County Historical Records. 

Her memory was of being an orphan, abandoned by her birth tribe because she had fallen in love with a boy in her community. Years ago, I too had come across a similar tale found within, that had happened in the web of my familial lineage, and was verified as a common bi-law in Cherokee writings.  In her story she came to the land of Sacred Mountain and was taken in by the tribe living there, however they were soon forced to leave by explorers who believed that there was gold in the mountain. Her remembrance was that although the entire tribe left, she refused to leave, hiding and living in a cave, with a man and woman who took over the land. Historical records state that the mining never occured and that one of the miners and his wife continued to live on the land. 

Although our life has taken a bit of a turn, and it seems as if our destiny is to not raise our children on SMS, we flow with life, and trust that there is beautiful and soulful purpose in our rediscovery and connection with our new, but old family at Sacred Mountain. Our time there every summer and winter is always beautiful and full of surprise and inspiration, just as the day Anna sang, "We are together for all, we are souls...".

I hope this speaks to your heart as much as it has mine, with a reminder that the magic never ceases to exist. 

"We are together for all, we are souls.
We are one together, for all once known.
We are the people,The people of souls.
There is nothing around you that is not gold.
Oh woo woo, a feeling in your soul.
Take your life in your hand and put it together, of your soul!

We are the people of your soul,
We are the people making peace in the world. 
There is nothing better, making us women and men.
We are the people, the people of the world.
Taking care and letting go until we know.
We are the people, the people of love.
We are the people in your soul and from above. 
We are the people, the people of love.
There is nothing better than the plants that grow.
Clouds up above and the wind in your air. 
We are the people, of the world above.
We are the people, soul and mind.
For all we are good, but nothing to try.
We are the people, of soul and mind.
We are the people, of the world that we find. 
We are the people that take care of the world.
We are the people, blowin' down and up.
Oh, We are the people of the whole entire world,
And We share our love for something whole. 

We are the people of love, the people of love
Nothing is better, to our souls up above."

- Anna Gracyn Geurts, Age 6

Jesus of the East

As I began to learn more of Buddha's teachings, Patanjali Yoga Sutras and the Upanishads (the last writings of the Veda's) it became evident that Jesus was not only a man who helped the poor, a renunciate of worldly life, a prophet, a wise man, a Jew, or the Son of God, but a Buddha, a Jain and Shaman. He was a man who knew and understood all paths. He stood in the source of all being. His words were not for a few but for all beings who could hear, "The Kingdom of Heaven is within you", within each of us. "Don't stop seeking until you find it". Meaning that the peace he knew, just as Buddha found,  is not of the later, but is accessible to us in the now. Urging not for us to die at the completion of our life into the subtle aspects of heaven, but to awaken to the dimension of present moment experience that is at the core of our existence. It is who we are. Dying everyday to the stories of the past, unraveling the matrix of dense energies that keep us bound. Creating a balance of our senses and mind so that we are not taken away by emotion, the suffering, the beauty- the story of our life. Rather witnessing each moment with awareness, manifesting our original childlike purity with patience. The final destination being an arrival into of complete non-attachment of all fear and worry. An arrival into our innate nothingness and neutrality. Becoming empty as Buddha said, or "Hallow as a bone" like many shamans have said, so that the magic of spirit can fill every part of our being- an open vessel, a witness of the mystery. A difficult, challenging but incredibly beautiful and promising journey we have all undertaken whether we are aware of it or not. 

Issa (Jesus), told them that God cared not for temples erected by human hands, but that human hearts were the true temples of God. "Enter into your temple, into your heart, illuminate it with good thoughts, with patience
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All the suffering in the world that makes us cringe is a mirror of the past that was never healed in the hearts of so many, another opportunity to make a better choice. Ripples building into tidal waves. All layers of anger, fear, ignorance and an inability to forgive. Magnetizing heavy moments stuck in time that have been held tightly, hidden, ignored and festering within the consciousness of many, projecting out into the collective experience. 

The most valuable offering we can do for ourselves, others and the future is to fall back into remembrance, turning into the temple of your own heart, healing not only an individual past, but a collective experience. As my dear teacher and friend from Greenland, Shaman Angaangaq says, we begin to “melt the ice in the heart of man”, creating a continuum of change within that effects those around you, as well as the stories of the past and future. 

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Snowballs of Grief and a Siberian Shaman

Grief is a sneaky, precarious entity if it's not expressed. It haunts every being at some point in time and if you choose to ignore it, you can guarantee it will be back to greet you with gnarly talons. Talons that dig into your body until you pluck out each of its beautiful lessons tenderly with awareness and respect. Unfortunately, our culture has forgotten how to grieve and has learned to suppress this powerful and languid emotion. In contrast, our indigenous elders see that when great loss occurs, we need to be held in sacred circle by community. Our tears, wails and cries must be witnessed until we can fully release the pain of loss. Allowing one to come into peace, gratitude and wholeness.

Avoiding our grief is a downward spiral, and as we avoid it into distraction or animosity, it percolates. Creating potential to manifest as physical, mental and emotional dis-ease. As Martin Prechtel wrote in his book The Smell of Rain on Dust: Grief and Praise, "Grief needs time, and it cannot be transcended or meditated into nonexistence. When unattended it can easily hide for years, even generations, in the skeletal of the family collective psyche: eventually manifesting even among those in the future who did not consciously experience the loss." 

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Riding the waves of life

The path is full of high summits and low valleys. Let's set intentions, breath, meditate, pray, say mantras, sing, dance and gather in circle, and be in constant gratitude and praise. Our practices shift us, increase our vibration and bring about more peace and clarity, but if we have not looked at all the parts of ourselves, you can guarantee we will be shown. The road in life will teach us, and that critical doubting part of the mind will arise in life situations to stir us into dealing with another layer of an aspect we've not yet dealt with.  Recognizing our aspects of mental chatter and affliction is the divine working in us to help us let go and dissolve into greater peace. Our call is to not to resist but to release the tension around our thoughts, so that they no longer control us. What are it's origins, why do I cling to this? P

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Savor the Compliment

How often do we become skirmish and uncomfortable from a compliment? I don't know about you, but I have at times felt as if a shield of protection arises when someone offers me a compliment, as if there is a part of me that feels it doesn't deserve. Thus rather than be in the moment and take in the beauty of recognition, there is a moment of discomfort where I feel I need to also give back that beauty. So I say Thank you, and repay a compliment back which has always felt inauthentic and prompted, although I may truly feel that person is worthy of whatever honest feedback I give. 

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