Relationship 101: Bridging the Gap after a Conflict
Relationship is a beautiful aspect of human life, and our greatest teachers. Inevitably, there will be issues, disagreements and upsets. It is part of life and essential to our growth. Thus to evolve, there has to be a willingness to learn from all that is being presented, which cultivate sacred relationship and acceptance of self and other. A motivation that bridges the gaps within our mind and heart to mend our conflicts.
Arguments are a Part of Human Relationships
As social beings, we find benefit from relationship, with an understanding that as humans we can have very different view points, beliefs and ideas about the world, which are all created from personal experiences. Problems and disagreements arise, and no matter how deep the wound created from our in ability to agree, all stories are truly band-aid worthy, assuming everyone wants to heal the harm done.
The magnification and intensity of a situation is directly proportionate to the importance one has for the relationship effected by the conflict. As humans we feel the effects reverberating into the unforeseen future, as well as from the past, which creates stress on both parties in the present moment, conscious and subconsciously. Each experiencing unique thoughts, fears about the situation at hand, with different reactions, motivated by past wounds that have nothing to do with you. Other than you are a mirror of the past wound, a teacher here to bring the message that its time to heal. Equally you are that for your loved one.
Seeing from this perspective that you both are the teacher for the other as to how to move beyond past hurts and traumas that have yet to be healed, can naturally level the playing field and give a vantage view for both to break down the stubborn road blocks that hold us back from experiencing our truest presence and compassion for the other, which always moves us into a sustaining beautiful relationship of love and mutual respect.
How to Fix the Situation
Having a sense of responsibility and self-accountability can almost unconsciously make you a better person in relationship. As such, when it comes to our relations, it is easier to overcome your conflicts and fix your behavior if you can identify what went wrong and what was your role in the dynamic. Who are you mimicking? Or in avoidance of? What emotions, thoughts and beliefs within you are being triggered? Do you remember feeling this way before? Ah, we are getting somewhere, aren’t we? Can you see that whatever is happening in your relationship is recalling a very old past, that no longer serves you?
Step 1: Recognizing the problem
If you’re willing to make a relationship work, then to resolve the problem you’re going to need to know what the problem really is. This is perhaps one of the most difficult steps to take because when emotions run high, objectivity is hard to establish. Even reflecting on the situation with a calm mind can take a bit of detective work to get to the core, because the issue is not typically the seen. It goes much deeper than that.
For example: Say you got into another fight about your husband’s smoking habit. You can say its his smoking habit, however when you start to dig deeper into the heart, you find that it is your fear. Your fear of him getting sick and seeing him suffer because you witnessed another suffer from the detrimental repercussions of such choices.
Step 2: Recognizing your part
Once you know what the core problem is, see where you stand within the context of the problem. How could you have been a better alley to your partner and how could your partner be a better alley to you? How can you both work on your behaviors, which supports and benefits each of you for the better?
Step 3: Listen and Have Perspective
We’ve all said and done hurtful things, and we’ve been on the receiving end too. Stewing in the hurt does nothing but add to the burn and exacerbates the situation. Allow yourself to step outside of the story, into a place where you can have peripheral vision and see things with a different perspective. Can you step into your partners shoes and see things from there space and time, feeling into their wounds and blind spots? Can they do this for you?
When we are able to stop taking things so personally, and see our blind spots and misunderstandings, we can listen to one another better. And when the conversations are rolled out unto the red carpet, take deep breaths, listen, and stay in a state of witness. Remember this moment exist to teach you as to how you can arrive into the best version of your truth and move beyond fears, past hurts and inclinations.
Step 4: Never Look Back
Let it go. Release your grievances. Summon your trust in the situation that everything will be okay. The only person you can change is yourself. Meanwhile, give your partner the time to work on their behavior and make mistakes before they can change. Relationship is the greatest teacher of patience and compassion.
DO YOU NEED SUPPORT IN UNDERSTANDING and HEALING YOUR CONSCIOUS & SUBCONSCIOUS CONDITIONING THAT IS THE DRIVING FORCES OF YOUR PRESENT EXPERIENCES?
At Seeds of Satya, a spiritual therapist in Denver, you can move into your most empowered state by resolving past grievances. We help couples, parents and children repair their damaged relationships with self and others by stepping into a different periphery of awareness. Depth Hypnosis, sound healing in Denver Co and spiritual healing exercises are designed to improve human connections and people’s understanding of their behaviors to enable a wholesome life. Get in touch with us today for our events and yoga circles in Denver, Colorado.